Dear Guys Working on the MRR2...

A Da Crow Production


Dear Guys Working on the MRR2...

How's it going? I only ask because you started work over three years ago to add more lanes and, well... there aren't any. I've also noticed that on most days you're not actually doing anything. Is it possible you've grown bored with the project? I certainly would understand that. I've got more than a few half- finished reports sitting on my desk. Of course, when I blow off my job millions of commuters aren't, how shall we say... fornicated.

I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you to complete your Herculean task and cut the ribbon on what will undoubtedly be a meaningless effort to ease traffic. I'd also like to offer up a few suggestions. From my untrained eye, you appear to be understaffed. Perhaps you might consider hiring a few thousand more guys and work in 'round the clock shifts, instead of, you know, just when you feel like it. Also, to avoid angry commuters flipping you off, how about giving them a heads up when you close an off lanes for no apparent reason? (Maybe a few miles in advance instead of a hundred yards.) And finally, I need to ask a small favour.

Several times a week I crawl along MRR2 with a bladder that is near to bursting. How about we work out a system where I, and other urinary-challenged drivers, get to pull over and share your mobile toilet.  Maybe we can repay your hospitality by bringing you fresh magazines to read while you're in there pretending to working.

Sincerely,

A caring commuter

Puppeteer

A Da Crow Production



Strings are still attached

Fundamentals

A Da Crow Production

"Screw Grace, I am so outta here!"

A Da Crow Production


I understand that I'm under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation or
Idiosyncrasy.

I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am not alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with loneliness and desperation . It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies invaders from Mars and more prominently, heartbroken. Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, "Screw Grace, I am so outta here!"

Questions?

Goat Sold Separately

A Da Crow Production

I've been thinking recently and I am proud of being a Hindu. No, this has nothing to do with me finally realizing Santa Claus is an atrocious lie. And yes, I realize the blasphemous notion flies in the face of a few thousand years of "Ye shall have no other gods before me." (To be honest, even when I was a kid that commandment troubled me. It sounded like a jealous girlfriend saying, "If I catch you looking at other girls, you're in big trouble!" And don't get me started on how "no other gods before me" kind of implies that there might actually be some other gods loitering about.) But my main reason for unexpectedly being proud is that it neatly answers the age-old question, "Why does god allow so much suffering in the world?" When tragedy strikes, the monotheistic approach can only offer the tired old, "It is not for us to question god's will." Really? Why not us? Who else is in the questioning business? But look what happens when we ask the same question from a pantheistic perspective. Why do the gods allow so much suffering in the world? Because outside of their particular area of expertise: farming, war, fertility, what-have-you, they are not even remotely in control. The liability stops nowhere. (In this scenario the Bhagavad Gita deities are off the hook as far as your general suffering is concerned.) But here's the really good news: with a polytheistic approach to prayer we can micro-target our beseeching. Trouble with love? Take it to KRISHNAN. Not catching enough fish? Vishnu’s Avatar MATCHA. Are you regularly waking up hung-over from alcohol-induced blackouts in the sleeping compartment of 16 wheel trailers that carries illegal items stolen from “Kastams”? That sounds like a job for MADURA VEERAN. Need to successfully start an illegal business that will forever haunt your conscience and bring shame to your family and friends? Look no further, GANAPATHI’S here!  In other words, whatever the crisis might be, there's a god ready to take your call. What are you waiting for? Call now and receive free goat-sacrificing equipment! (GOAT SOLD SEPARATELY)

 

 

I need to hit the Crapper

A Da Crow Production
 
On what is perhaps the most puzzling experience of my life, I have, for the most part, chosen to remain silent. There have been times when it felt like I was actually swallowing my thoughts. But this comes at a price. Suppressed feelings and cogitation tends to gestate. It grows into something else. Self-immolating bitterness is one of the outcomes I've tried to avoid. That has tumour written all over it. Alternatively, these thoughts could morph into something beautiful; Superman's diamond wrought from a lump of coal comes to mind. But one thing's for sure, whatever the hell is growing inside me has to eventually be pushed out. Once it arrives, I'll leave it to others to decide if its metaphorical journey into daylight was through my metaphorical vaginal canal or my metaphorical ass.

Its been a while... glad to be back home...

A Da Crow Production

What a journey... everything is fine now.. pheew!!

Jibber Jabber 2

A Da Crow Production

I’m not only a funny guy; I’m also a long distance husband.

My friends ask me when am I gonna get my own place. Probably not in the near future; coz my parents are really healthy.

I like quiet sex. If my girl is like, “hey do you want me to talk dirty..?’’ And I’ll be like “hey, can you write it down?”…

My dad tells my neighbours I’m a far relative from India… I like it when they complement on my Malay.

I like going out to dinner with my mom. She always pays. Unless the waitress is really pretty.

            Then I pay. “Mom, you know I got it. I always got it. Now pass me my purse.”

My mom recently asked me if I wanted have kids. I said they really question is “Do you want more roommates?”

It was hard where I grew up coz every kid was like either a macho football player or a gangster- thug type. And there was me. Both

A woman hit on me the other day. She said she would be the happiest person if she had my eyes. I got cocky and asked what she would be if she had my “dong”

            A shemale.

I’m not as computer savvy as I look. Probably the reason is because I’m dyslexic.  So spell check is a complete gamble. It just tells me I’m wrong and 1 in 10 chances I’m right. So I can email a girl thinking I’m describing myself as a GENTLEMAN. Next time I saw her, she will be like “HEY CREEP!! What exactly is a GENITALMAN!

I’ve been told when you meet the right person, you will know immediately. How come when you meet the wrong one, it takes one and half years?

My girlfriend is a twin. So when I tell my guys, they will be like, “ dude.. you gotta have a threesome!!...” And I’m no prude, but that is my girlfriends twin brother….