Instant Happiness comes with Loooooong Patience! (What's instant about that??)

I'm searching for modern happiness. The old-fashioned kind takes just too long. That happiness requires patience and I don't want to wait. I want upgraded happiness. I want a released  6.02, the "new and improved" version.

This is the 21st century and I demand instant happiness; gratification.

Once upon a time (the Flintsones era), you had to wait to eat your meal. Even when the Mammoth Burger King walk-through was open, they offered only self-kill meals. And when you brought them home, you still had to get the fire started.

 

"What? Mammoth burger again? How you cook?"

 

"Ugh. Start fire for cave lady."

 

"Hah. You probably burn cave down."

 

"Hah you. No can burn cave down. Buy insurance policy."

 

"How you start fire?"

 

"Rub two fingers together. Make big flame. Cook mammoth burger."

 

"Last time you burn fingers."

 

"Yummy."

Nobody lights a fire these days. People don't even light ovens anymore. It takes just too long to heat up a meal. It takes just too much patience. I'm hungry now, not 40 minutes from now. That's why God gave us microwave ovens. Just pop the food in and brrr –BEEP- out it comes, nicely warmed for immediate consumption. That's how I want my happiness – toasty warm and right now! (toasty??)
"YES!!. No more burned fingers."

Consider the Internet. You type "electric toothpicks". You hit "enter". Google responds: "Search took 1.02 seconds."
"Seems kinda slow," you think. "Google is ready for the elderly ward in HOSPITAL SERDANG (no copyright issues here..!)." You click on the first result – something about an electric eel eating a balanced breakfast – and a blank screen appears. You wait. ...............website found... but...not... reached...

NERD ALERT!!: Did you know that Shakespeare once waited almost twenty seconds for website to appear, so he could find a word that rhymed with cardiologist? The web site finally appeared in 1997, but he had given up waiting by then

Five seconds pass. Time's up and still not site. Your instant gratification cells have been offended. You surf to another site. Youtube of course. You watch a video of people making a fool of themselves. You like. You go further and watch 20 gizzilion other videos. Electric toothpick forgotten.
 
"Ugh. No get Mammoth Burger web site. This thing no work."
 
"That thing rock."
 
"Rock broken. Go to mammoth burger walk-through"
 
I don't want to walk to get happiness. I want it delivered now. Not twenty seconds later, even if it does rhyme with cardiologist. Not 1.02 seconds later. I want happiness now.

Remember the olden days when you had to get up from the couch to change channels? That took such a monumental effort that most people sat through whole television shows without changing channels. Of course, that might have been because the other channel was playing Kojak!!

 

Back in the two-channel universe there was always something on. Now we flip through 472 channels in ASTRO which keeps us busy while wishing for something worth watching. And by the way, the pic below solves the ASTRO when it rains issue...

 

 

 

 

Thanks to the remote control, affectionately known by its technical term – the life saver– we can flip channels at a relaxed pace of 15 to 20 per minute without even breaking into a sweat. Imagine our body odor if we had to get up from the couch each time we change channels! Yuks!

Happiness should be like television. If I don't get instant gratification, I should be able to change channels with a zap.
The hospital nurse who doesn't care...ZAP!
The driver kissing my rear bumper...ZAP!
The loudmouth yakking in the cinema...ZAP!
The loan officer who call every end of the month...ZAP!
Come to think of it, all those annoying people in my way at the grocery store, at the ticket booth, in the parking lot, in the waiting room...ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Sigh.... Happiness is not like a microwave oven. Nor like the Internet. Not even like a remote control .Happiness does not run on the instant gratification system. Happiness takes patience. Dear GOD, please grant me the patience I lack...and I want it now!